Hold me closer, Tony Danza

I have a confession to make....

I am tragically uncool.

I am sure this comes as a surprise to no-one.

I have strived for at least a modicum of cool-ness in my life, but alas, I keep falling short.

I can't even blame it on Michael Buble, as much as I wanted to. No, it goes back further than that. There have been songs with lyrics no-one can understand (see: Louie, Louie), and there have been songs with lyrics that are mis-understood (see: Tiny Dancer). In fact, there is a website dedicated to the topic: http://www.kissthisguy.com/

I tee-totally butchered one line from a song....for well over a decade. Luckily, I never sang the mangled lyric in front of anyone, and until now, I have never spoken of it. I am baring my soul in the hopes that it will prevent y'all from making a similar mistake with a different song. I am quite certain that I am the only person on the face of the planet to hear what I thought I did. Even as I sang the words, I knew they sounded odd.

So, here goes.... the song? Anthrax's "Bring the Noise."

The proper lyrics:

Bass!
How low can you go?
Death row, what a brother knows 

What I sang:

Bass!
How low can you go?
Death row, water buffalo

Yup. I honest to God thought they said "water buffalo."

I'll let that sink in for a minute.

Water.buffalo.

Yup. That's pretty bad.

I have come to the conclusion that being cool is over-rated. It's very easy to come to that conclusion when you realize that you will never be cool. Especially when you think Anthrax is singing about water buffalo.

Bring the noise, indeed.